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Bar-sur-Loup Provence France

How to watch the World Cup of soccer

  1. Visit a non-US site in order to get information from a place that takes the sport seriously. The BBC is good; goal.com is fine. There are many of them. ESPN is not recommended.
  2. Pee first. Unlike US football, soccer does not break for a few minutes every fifteen seconds. It breaks every 45 minutes (except for fouls). Note: US broadcasters tend to ignore this reality; watching the 1990 world cup at my brother's house I missed a goal because there was a commercial break. A "Broadcaster, please" moment.
  3. Relax. Unlike US football, where you watch with intense concentration for a few seconds then can then go wax the car, soccer is watched with little concentration but in long doses. Open a beer (if you're rooting for the UK or Germany), bottle of wine (France, Italy), or Coke (if you're rooting for Atlanta, which doesn't have a team, so you're not actually watching soccer).
  4. Learn what the "offsides" penalty is. This will take care of 98% of your "WTF happened that guy was about to score!" moments.
  5. You cannot use your hands in soccer. This should help you understand the remaining 2% of your "WTF happened that guy was about to score!" moments.
  6. Dig in for the long run. There are 32 teams and a month of games; this isn't some best-of-seven wham-bam-thank-you-coach.
  7. Don't set your hopes on the US. Not that they don't have a good team, but when bookies rank them outside the Top 10 you better be ready for some disappointment. Remember: Bookies care more than any other human beings about how well the teams do.
  8. Think about calling it "football." Why? A sub-list:
  • It is actually only played with your feet.
  • The other 7 billion inhabitants of the world call it football.
  • Your neighbor who speaks Spanish calls it football.
  • I call it football, and it's my blog.
Gooooooooooal!

Comments

Ah ah, such a nice list! :) :) :)
Like Italian (and girl, on top!), I can only imagining how I would be if I'll try to watch some USA football. Like this: 0_o'
Why don't something on this genre backwards?
Totally agree on the number 8 pint, after I began to learn English, it took me ages (literally!) to tell apart the words "football", "soccer" and "rugby". Now I've learned to check the author's nationality or the cultural contest BEFORE to read anything in English. :)
Ehm...
I was meaning "8 pOint",even if a pint or 8 can be related well on the football-watching topics! :)
I hate that I have to watch it on rerun. Today was just too hectic to catch it live.
You didn't mention the excitement of extra time (where the teams run around defensively for another half hour) or the complete inability of the England team to take penalties, if booting the ball with blind optimism up the far end of the field for 90 mins hasn't done the job.

I am retreating for the duration to my DVD player and my expanding collection of American Football movies. ;)
Bar-sur-Loup Provence France

December 2011

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